"The Please Parents" - A play in less than one act
[A pizza restaurant. JIMMY and ANNE sit at a booth, eating their pizza and salad. MORON DAD and GOOFBALL MOM enter with SON, 4 y.o. They sit at the adjacent booth and wait for their food. SON stands up, in the booth, facing away from both his parents.] MORON DAD: Sit down, please. GOOFBALL MOM: Jaysper, sit down, please! MORON DAD: Sit down, please, Jaysper. GOOFBALL MOM: Sit down, please,...
How to make your ice maker into a fun device
1. Empty all the “stinky ice” out of your ice bucket 2. Let a pack of hot dogs fall into the empty ice bucket when you close the door 3. Forget about it 4. Let ice refill ice bucket 5. Go get some ice later on 6. Surprise! Hot dogs! I had a long weekend, you guys.
You know how you see a comma inside a quotation...
That’s how amazing “Community” was.
You guys love me, right? I mean…you REALLY...
This Episode of Glee
is insane. Best line: Finn, to Kurt, on his “prom kilt”: “I like it. It’s like Gay Braveheart.”
Remember how I said I was crying on Mother's Day...
“Up” was on today and I watched it. Sob engaged.
I called my mom this morning to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day and my Dad said she was sick. My mom has had Crohn’s Disease her whole life and, by extension, all of mine. She’s had a string of flair-ups recently that don’t seem to have anyone but me worried. I’ve gone about the rest of my day feeling bad for not going home. But as I went to take out the trash, I...
Oh, you guys.
My mouth just went all Seal Team Six on that Vegetarian Burrito. Extreme prejudice. Jackpot down, Geronimo. Um. Hot Shots Part Deux.